Wednesday, December 19, 2012

It's not fair

One of those days...

There was those 20 precious moments when your kids were happy and giggly and playing well. Then you tried to put them down for a nap, just so you'd have a few minutes of peace before cleaning. Neither went down easily. You finally sit down for lunch at 1:30 with one asleep and the other still crying. After eating, the baby has exhausted himself asleep. You wonder if the neighbors think you torture your children by the incessant crying that sometimes lasts hours each day. You take a brief break. Those 5 minutes alone to gather thoughts and try to motivate yourself. Because the house is a wreck, Christmas presents still aren't finished or purchased. And why would you want to clean when you have to pack up and move everything. Again. The second time this year.
You get only a few dishes washed before crying starts again. You muster all your patience and start rocking the baby. 30 minutes for his only nap of the day is not enough. Why don't your kids like sleep as much as you do? As he's almost asleep, you breathe a sigh of relief. Then the 2 year old screams. What happened to waking up happy? It's of no use. As much as you try, you're losing patience fast. Kids crying because they're tired and yet, they won't sleep. You lose it. There's crying from kids and yelling from mom to just "stay in your room till you're happy!"
You walk away and try washing dishes still while barking at them to be quiet. And then the crying gets louder and more upset. Your potty-trained 2 year old wets her pants for the second time today.
It's just not fair. Life isn't fair. Where is dad? How many nights this week has he missed dinner and bedtime? It's not fair. This isn't what you signed up for! It's not fair. Life isn't fair.

No, life isn't fair.

Life is not fair.

We're about to celebrate a baby's birth. A perfect child. A sinless man. Beat and insulted and hung to die. For you.

He didn't deserve it. It wasn't fair. He did it for your sins. For every time you lose it. Every selfish thought, every angry word. It is forgiven. And that's not fair either. That's grace.

So I pick myself up. I wipe away tears of frustration and I try again. I've received grace. Oh so much grace. My kids need that grace and love too.

Lord, thank you. Thank you for Your love and grace. Thank you for forgiveness. Father, pour into me. Keep my eyes on You. Help me to keep loving and forgiving and offering grace to these beautiful children you've entrusted to me.
Amen

Monday, August 27, 2012

Real life isn't a movie

Don't all girls wish they could find the man in the romantic movie? The one who says just the right things, does the right things and looks great?
I wonder why guys dislike these movies but then I think about it: does the movie man ever get his romance? Does he get his guy time and space? Not usually.
So aside from not watching these movies, in order to keep your expectations realistic, how do you deal with these mixed emotions? How do you sway so much to a movie man but sometimes lose interesting in the one you've been married to for 5 years?
I think it's communication and giving yourself. And I know I agree with all the talk methods and set times and ways to carry on discussions, but I'm married to a man who doesn't care for all the structure. What works for us is just to talk. To be open with each other. To be point blank and obvious.
It can take awhile for me to come around. After a few weeks of feeling let down romantically, I just give in to my bitterness. I sit around angry and bitter that he can't figure out how to make me happy. And then it hits me. First, what am I doing for him? He's not in the mood for giving because I'm not in the mood for giving. It quickly, all too quickly, becomes a downward spiral. Second, have I just come out and said it? I'm so lucky to be married to a patient and understanding man. I finally took my feelings to him. I told him I felt overworked and under appreciated and I was bitter. Then I took a deep breath and gave him some ideas. Bring home flowers, find a song that has romantic lyrics and tell me it makes you think of me, help with the dishes or toys. And before I sat back waiting, I asked what I could for him.
So he helped out more immediately. I put into action things he wanted and needed. And I got my romantic song.
And I'm swooning again. This time over the romantic man I married, not that movie man.
As women, we can't sit around whining and wishing. Love takes work on BOTH sides. And it takes communication. The movie man has many writers telling him just what to say and do. Your real man needs you to give him a few suggestions. Then listen to his too. Pretty soon you'll be giving more, he'll be giving more and you'll be in a perpetual UPward spiral.
And turn off that romantic movie. That guy just doesn't exist. Love the one in front of you, he's wonderful in His perfect way.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Graham Cracker Cookie Goodness

I still think that the dough is better than when the cookies are baked. In fact, as I was munching away on the unbaked cookies, I thought it might almost be what they used for chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream...minus the chocolate chips (which is much better in my opinion)

So here it is. Tracked down through 2 blogs and originally from a cook book, here's the link to the graham cracker recipe. www.smittenkitchen.com/2009/05/graham-crackers

Here's what I did when I cut it in half, made it dairy free, subsituted what I was missing and turned it into cookies: (I know, phew!)
1 1/4 to 2 cups flour (You'll see why I'm not sure at all of this amount in a minute...)
1/2 cup turbinado sugar (this was what I used instead of dark brown sugar as I had no brown sugar in the house, and the turbinado looked closer than white granulated sugar...someone should tell me what turbinado sugar is supposed to be used for, ha!)
1/2 teaspoon baking soda (though since I didn't measure, it might have been closer to a tsp...or more)
1/2 teaspoon (or really just some sprinkles) kosher or coarse sea salt  (I happened to use my cute sea salt grinder)
3 1/2 (or so) tablespoons unsalted butter (And this is where I used my dairy-free butter-like spread)
1/6 cup (or about 2/3 of my quarter cup measurer) mild-flavored honey
3-4 tablespoons milk (They say full fat is best but I made mine with almond milk)
1 tablespoon pure vanilla extract (be generous here. I love vanilla and perhaps why I love this recipe!)

1) Cut butter into dry ingredients: I started with what the original recipe called for (1 1/4 cup) flour and added the sugar, salt, and baking soda. I used dough hooks on my hand held mixer, but I'm not sure why you couldn't just use the regular beaters. Anyway, combine the dry ingredients, stir them around a bit then add the butter cut into chunks. Now mix until its all combined well. I was tempted to melt my butter first though the original recipe says to start with it frozen. I think that would never mix with a mixer, but perhaps thats a reason to use a food processor.
2) Mix wet ingredients then add to dry: Measure the honey, milk and vanilla into a separate container. Use a whisk to mix these ingredients. Add the wet to the dry ingredients and mix with the mixer.
3) Even it up to cookie dough: Then I just added a bunch of flour and used a fork then my hands to mix it in. The final product was a dough that held together well and was hardly sticky at all. A good nice unsticky ball of dough :-)
4) Eat the dough or bake the cookies. I suggest 350° for 10-14 minutes.

Enjoy :-)

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

A day at the Berry house

First we had a leisurely morning of pancakes, wetting through diapers and pjs and getting dressed. Then my beloved babysitter came over :-D
I got to some sewing (backing this T-shirt quilt) before Isaiah wanted mommy then I put him to bed and did some prep work in the kitchen.
After naptimes, we went swimming in the baby pool. It's quite small but has a cushioned bottom and surprisingly, all 3 of us fit... ;-)
After that, Isaiah went down for his fourth nap, I caved and put Thomas on for Samantha then I whipped up a few ice trays of baby food.





It's about time Isaiah got real food. I mean, doesn't the kid look like he's starving?











And after bedtime, I took a delicious graham cracker recipe, turned it dairy free, substituted because I was out of brown sugar and added a lot more flour to turn it from crackers into cookies. Delicious end to the day. I even managed to bake a few ;-)

Monday, May 7, 2012

A group effort: Quiet book!

Quiet Book: A group effort!

I thought this would be easier for posting all the pictures and ideas out there. Feel free to comment and I will gather all the thoughts and send out a note to everyone. I think we still need more people to make a GREAT book!

I think it’ll be easiest to put the book together with 2-3 rings, like this one.


And to make the pages heavyweight, I think we could just iron-on a stiff backing. I’m guessing it’ll be easiest for everyone to make their page from cotton (instead of all of us trying to find the sameish weighted decorators fabric)
However, that means everyone will need to add an extra $5 or so to help me pay for the backing and other materials to assemble the books.
So each person makes a spread (2 pages that either go together or two different) but because of the rings putting together, the pages must not be attached.
Size? One site suggested 10” by 12”. Leaving an inch border on all sides to put it to the page behind it. We may need to leave a little bit bigger border on one side where I would be attaching the rings. I’m thinking maybe button holes on each page to put the rings through? It may make it time consuming to assemble, but I want it to last through many kiddos! (The one my mom made for my brother and I is still around, though a few things have fallen apart)
A lot of pages may have pieces that you take on and off with velcro. To make it last, be sure to use sew on velcro, not self sticky. A suggestion is to put all Velcro with the soft side on the page, so that pages won’t stick together if the pieces aren't attached.
I think the front and/or back cover should have a big pocket with closure so when the kids take everything off every page, you can just stuff it all in one pocket if you need to clean up in a hurry. ;-)
It would be best for everything to be sewn down. If you're not a sewer, maybe you could get with someone and help each other. One person cuts out everything and one person sews?
A lot of people make many pieces out of felt. You can draw straight on the page or pieces with permanent or fabric markers. The felt needs to be heavy duty. And felt can stretch over time, so some things (like pockets or pieces with button holes) need to be either reinforced or made of a different material. I have seen examples of books and have ideas, so once you decide on what you want to do, let me know if you need help picking materials and whatnot.

Logistics: We will all make our pages and then somehow (mail for some) get them to me. I will then assemble the book (if you'd like me to) and send the book back to you. So for those out of town, you'll be mailing just twice. (Please send me a little money to help me mail it back to you) If you'd rather me send you all the pages, you can put it together yourself. I think it would be nice too then, if you all found your front and back cover material and decorated it however you'd like and mail that too (if you wanted me to put your book together)

And our goal might be a completed book for Christmas. Since I’m thinking this is gonna be a big job to put them all together…
I think maybe 2-3 months for people to get their pages completed, then send them to me and a few more months for them to be put together :-)

One other thought was to make a few extra pages and as a group, we can sell those completed books to help pay for shipping and extra costs of assembling. That way you're only paying for materials to make 10-12 of the same page. Just a thought and idea if you know people that may want a book but may not participate in the making of it.

Ok and here are some ideas that Paula and I had for pages, plus links to more:
1) Shapes matching and/or color matching
2) Hand in something (like an oven mitt or baseball glove)
3) Counting beads
4) Velcro face (like Mr/Mrs Potato head)
5) Dressing a doll out of a closet
6) Ladybug with zipper and her dots inside
7) Page with pockets for pictures
8) Something to tie/braid/weave
9) Pockets with paper and crayons

If theres a page you're super excited about making - claim it now :-) Remember you're really making two pages (a spread) so if you have a one sided page, you will actually need to make 2 one sided pages.
And tell your friends, let's see if we can get more people involved!




Thursday, May 3, 2012

Testing pictures

Ok, added the blogger app to my phone, so I'm hoping this allows an easy way to post pictures.
When Isaiah was sick, we watched a little bit of the curious George movie.
Saturday, Sam got to go swimming at Mimi's.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Picture Update

On the real computer for a minute so that I can add a few pictures. And I reread some of my posts and realize that autocorrect on the iphone and me posting without reading it very carefully leaves some guessing for you all. So good luck with that, because I doubt I will improve much if I keep posting from my phone :-) Its like a game, right? Figure out what Becky was trying to say...

Happy Boy at the zoo last week. And I love my kids in overalls. I don't know what it is, but i LOVE it

I got a picture with both of them kinda smiling! Thats hard work

Isn't he growing up?? (And in overalls, again ;-)

Samantha putting on her 'indoor shoes' because I'm trying to keep the house cleaner and she insists on wearing shoes. So I finally just got her slippers so she could.

Happy St Patrick's day! I'm not usually one for getting holiday outfits, but I had a gift card and these were cute and they will continue to wear these even after March 17. :-)

Happy girl in her bath tonight. Both my kids like baths. I like that it usually calms them down before bed :-) Win-win

Monday funday

 Diaper overflow count today: 3. And my pants got wet every time. The dog dug a hole under the gate. The house is a wreck, i still need to sweep and mop. And it's not bedtime yet. 
HAPPY MONDAY!
Hope your day was better!

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Strike over?

I sure hope so. After reading so much about it Friday night we did really well Saturday and today! Might have helped to have daddy home to help give mommy some extra time to convince Isaiah. Either way, it was a bottle free weekend!
I really need to learn how to add pictures to the blog from my iPhone. Because its much easier to find time to post from here and most pictures are on my phone anyway! Anyone??

Hope you all have a good week!

Saturday, March 17, 2012

It has a name...

Nursing strike. Although it seems most common to occur at 5-6 months I did read one other that went through it at 3 months. Not sure why: ear infection ( I don't think so though we haven't seen the dr recently), teething (seems a bit early), a different smell (have I changed my soap recently?), or a traumatic experience (uhm??). Whatever. I may ever know. I just feel better knowing it happens to others and they get through it. It does seem to be longer than usual but I've been making it easier for him by giving him bottles. I'll try some of the tips before I make life hard on me by feeding him with a dropper when he refuses to nurse.
So that's today's update. It's been a pretty frustrating last week. Ok at times, extremely frustrating. It's a pain to pump then bottle feed. It makes me feel inadequate, it takes more time away from me playing with my kiddos and they already have to share and they both still require so much care at their age. I'm a bit worn down. Feeling like I have nothing left after the kids. Where did my personality go? Didn't there used to be a Becky and not just Sam and Isaiah's mom?
I'll let you know when I find her again...
Hmm, seems I can't add photos for my phone. Sorry. Hopefully next time

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Just pictures

We took pictures today, so thats all I got. No good story.
Except that I made homemade bread for dinner and Nathan said it was amazing! Funny how just flour and water (and a tiny bit of sugar and salt) can taste so good :-) Its all in how you do it.
Testing the lighting with big sis

Someone's 3 month pictures in his chair. Nevermind the fact that he's 3 months and 2 days. Or that I completely missed 2 months in this chair... Still better than Sam, who never got any

Mommy can make him smile

Sibling picture. He was about to scream...

And Daddy's co pilot pictures!

Pretty spellbound by the window..

He looks like a really good copilot choice, huh?

And this was a few weeks ago - learning to ride her new, beautiful tricycle!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

We've Moved. And life with 2...

So we've been in Tyler for almost a month. I've had so many ideas for posts floating in my head but I struggle to just keep up with the day to day (not to mention trying to unpack, organize and maybe one day sew)
So maybe tonight I can steal some time to update.
First, I love it here! I like our house, the neighborhood, the new friends, Nathan's job, being close to family. Far better and happier than our last move! (I do miss my LC friends, don't you worry, you will not be forgotten!) I don't (yet?) have friends with little girls quite as close to Sam's age, so sweet Abigail and Skyleigh are sorely missed!
Second, since moving, I have finally had the opportunity (duty) of taking care of both my kids all day without help. Sometimes its rough. But honestly, its not as bad as I imagined. Leaving the house takes much longer than I want it to. (And often even longer than I plan for) but I hope that continues to improve as I get used to it and Isaiah grows up to not be quite as immediately demanding. Today, I had everything planned, diaper bag packed, chased Sam down to get her shoes on, put on my own shoes, and meanwhile Isaiah started wailing in his carseat. So I stopped to get him a bottle and he ate not quite an ounce and was THEN happy to go shopping for an hour and a half.
Third, I am finding more time as I cut down on media. We don't have cable anymore so I haven't even turned on the tv in 3 weeks (though I'll admit, I may watch about 2 shows a week on the computer) I do carry my iphone everywhere, however I don't check email but maybe twice a day, I took fb off my phone, and I'm only on pinterest a few times a week. I have added a Bible/devotional app which is really helping with my daily devotional time. It mostly comes at 3am :-)
Fourth, I'm off facebook for awhile. Not only did I take it off my phone, but I had Nathan change my password to keep me off. You may think I'm crazy, but I know I have very little self control and I know I needed to NOT be on my phone as much during the day and that was one thing I was wasting a lot of time doing. It was a slight addiction. A peek at the outside world sent me into a funk because of my life at home. So its gone for now and I'm really a little bit happier. I'm coming around to the idea that I have nothing pressing to do, I'm not on anyone's time schedule and my house will never be as clean as I want it to be. At least not at this phase of my life. So each day I'm trying to focus more on loving my kids, playing with my kids, and as it is now, disciplining my kids. Oh yeah, and spending quality time with my husband, friends, and taking a few moments for myself (like now)
And on that note of discipline, Samantha is actually a really good almost 2 year old! With so much change in her little life recently, and her behavior before Isaiah was born and right after he was born, I thought I would go crazy and she would just get worse. But since we've moved, things have continued to improve! She still wants to be right where I am. My biggest frustration throughout the day is her pushing and pulling on me and trying to sit on my lap while I'm holding/nursing Isaiah or her bringing and piling all her toys on me. However, she is getting better at not undoing everything I've just done. She doesn't pull all the clothes out of the dresser drawers every time I change Isaiah's diaper. And on occasion, she actually plays with her toys by herself.
She LOVES to be mommy's little helper. I continually remind myself to find her a task, even if its not exactly helpful or I could do it myself faster. Bringing in groceries from the car, I find her a light, nonbreakable bag and ask her to carry it in. Or while doing laundry, I hand her every other piece of clothing to put in the dryer or the basket. She is talking all the time and one of her current favorite phrases is "Help mommy" meaning "I'm coming to help mommy" when I start a new task. Such a sweetie.
And my attempt at a motivational topic though I'm far from an eloquent writer: The other day I had a bad night. A go to sleep late, up every 2 hours with the baby, toddler awake before 6am bad night. My wonderful, extrememly helpful husband is NOT a morning guy. So, for a better marriage, I almost never beg him to get up with the kids. Besides, there is little he can do to help when the baby is hungry. So anyway, I was up with both the kids, completely and utterly sleep deprived, exhausted and on my last nerve. We got through breakfast and a few morning routine items and then my endearing toddler was playing a little too much while I tried to put her clothes on. The baby started to fuss and I gave in. I know I needed about a 5 hour nap, but that wasn't going to happen. My other recharge event is a shower. So I threw the toddler's clothes on the floor, got her off the changing table, tossed the baby in bed with my husband and growled "I'M DONE". Then went into the bathroom and shut the door.
I probably sat under the warm running water for over half an hour. Crying for awhile then just thinking. Wondering why I couldn't do it. Why I wasn't cut out to be a mom. Why other moms made it look so easy. Was it me? Are my children just that difficult? Could I ever imagine having more than these two? Where was God? Was I doing something wrong?
The longer I sat, the more I came to my senses. Not many moms share their horrible, no good, very bad days. BUT I'm pretty convinced that all moms have them. And when you're in one, it seems like ALL the days are bad. They aren't. I mean, surely, you are having some good mommy days or at least a good few hours?
Looking back, my advice to myself during the next bad day would be this: Take a few minutes of some alone time, breathe. Remind yourself that its just a bad day. Sleep deprivation is used as a torture method and a tired mama knows why! So your horribly angry thoughts are the devil talking. You're sleep deprived and you are not really an angry person. Everyone has bad days (though most moms appear not to). And not all days are bad. Remember that (sometimes annoying) phrase that everyone tells you: This too shall pass.
And when you finally emerge from your shower, maybe you'll have 2 kids napping and get a few more minutes of peace. ;-)

And now, because I always forget. Some pictures:
Learning to walk in high heels :-)

Classic Sam pose, no?

Likes his toys now :-)

He's a happy boy sometimes!

First Sunday in our new house

Happy 2 months (or maybe a day off..)

Smiles right before we moved

Someone is really good at helping get rid of junk mail...

More please!

Happy 1 month

Monday, January 30, 2012

Been Awhile: Advice for having 2

Been forever since I've posted!
I have all these thoughts in my head all the time about things I want to write but I never have time to sit and blog. I mean, never.
Not only do I have two, very needy children, but we're supposed to be packing up our house so we can move in 2 weeks. Yeah, I think I've only actually packed about 3 boxes, but all my wonderful help has gotten much more done.

So, SOME people told me that the second child was a lot easier. I mean, you have experience already, so you're not as nervous and the second born is just more easy going.
Well, I have more experience. But that's where it ends. Isaiah cries. A lot. Luckily, though, he also sleeps a lot. So most days its feeding, holding while crying (or on the verge of crying), then sleeping (for maybe 30 min to an hour) then repeat.

Survival tips:
**If people offer to help. TAKE THEM UP ON IT. I am not ashamed to say that at almost 8 weeks, I haven't had both children by myself for more than a total of about 4 days. :-D
I usually feel guilty about taking people's offer for help because I want to be able to repay them, and if I can't, I don't want to take that help. I need to give up that feeling. But in the meantime, I just say thank you so much and still feel guilty about it. But I take the help. Believe me!
**Let a kid cry a bit. It won't hurt them. They may sound like they're dying, but they aren't. At our house, you cry, you take a number. Really, I think I have horribly fussy children. There is so much crying that I hear phantom crying when it's not there. When I wake up to one of the monitors, it takes looking at it to tell which kid it is. They both cry. A lot. And its not always the older one that has to take a number. I have to evaluate the situation. Samantha has a stinky diaper? Sorry Isaiah, you gotta wait your turn, buddy. Isaiah hasn't eaten in *gasp* 2 hours and 10 minutes?? (He eats like a champ, much more often than is desired by the mama) Sorry, Samantha, you'll have to wait to a little longer to have mommy get you a snack.
**Learn to multi-task. My kids OFTEN decide they're hungry at the same time. And about that time I realize I need to feed myself too so that Isaiah will have food later. So at least twice a day, all three of us eat at once. Yes, a toddler that hasn't quite mastered the spoon and a nursing newborn...I'm that good. Now I won't be able to have company over, but I can feed both kids and manage to get a few bites in myself.
**Don't forget to sleep, but realize you probably don't need as much as you think you do. Somehow lately I've been the energizer bunny. I'm sleeping maybe 6 hours of broken sleep a night yet I feel strangely ok....
However, speaking of that, its late and I'm wasting the precious hours of silence not in bed myself. So as much as I'd love to write more (I mean, how else do I get out my 30,000 words a day with 2 kids that can't converse yet?) I need to get to bed.