One of those days...
There was those 20 precious moments when your kids were happy and giggly and playing well. Then you tried to put them down for a nap, just so you'd have a few minutes of peace before cleaning. Neither went down easily. You finally sit down for lunch at 1:30 with one asleep and the other still crying. After eating, the baby has exhausted himself asleep. You wonder if the neighbors think you torture your children by the incessant crying that sometimes lasts hours each day. You take a brief break. Those 5 minutes alone to gather thoughts and try to motivate yourself. Because the house is a wreck, Christmas presents still aren't finished or purchased. And why would you want to clean when you have to pack up and move everything. Again. The second time this year.
You get only a few dishes washed before crying starts again. You muster all your patience and start rocking the baby. 30 minutes for his only nap of the day is not enough. Why don't your kids like sleep as much as you do? As he's almost asleep, you breathe a sigh of relief. Then the 2 year old screams. What happened to waking up happy? It's of no use. As much as you try, you're losing patience fast. Kids crying because they're tired and yet, they won't sleep. You lose it. There's crying from kids and yelling from mom to just "stay in your room till you're happy!"
You walk away and try washing dishes still while barking at them to be quiet. And then the crying gets louder and more upset. Your potty-trained 2 year old wets her pants for the second time today.
It's just not fair. Life isn't fair. Where is dad? How many nights this week has he missed dinner and bedtime? It's not fair. This isn't what you signed up for! It's not fair. Life isn't fair.
No, life isn't fair.
Life is not fair.
We're about to celebrate a baby's birth. A perfect child. A sinless man. Beat and insulted and hung to die. For you.
He didn't deserve it. It wasn't fair. He did it for your sins. For every time you lose it. Every selfish thought, every angry word. It is forgiven. And that's not fair either. That's grace.
So I pick myself up. I wipe away tears of frustration and I try again. I've received grace. Oh so much grace. My kids need that grace and love too.
Lord, thank you. Thank you for Your love and grace. Thank you for forgiveness. Father, pour into me. Keep my eyes on You. Help me to keep loving and forgiving and offering grace to these beautiful children you've entrusted to me.