So we've been in Tyler for almost a month. I've had so many ideas for posts floating in my head but I struggle to just keep up with the day to day (not to mention trying to unpack, organize and maybe one day sew)
So maybe tonight I can steal some time to update.
First, I love it here! I like our house, the neighborhood, the new friends, Nathan's job, being close to family. Far better and happier than our last move! (I do miss my LC friends, don't you worry, you will not be forgotten!) I don't (yet?) have friends with little girls quite as close to Sam's age, so sweet Abigail and Skyleigh are sorely missed!
Second, since moving, I have finally had the opportunity (duty) of taking care of both my kids all day without help. Sometimes its rough. But honestly, its not as bad as I imagined. Leaving the house takes much longer than I want it to. (And often even longer than I plan for) but I hope that continues to improve as I get used to it and Isaiah grows up to not be quite as immediately demanding. Today, I had everything planned, diaper bag packed, chased Sam down to get her shoes on, put on my own shoes, and meanwhile Isaiah started wailing in his carseat. So I stopped to get him a bottle and he ate not quite an ounce and was THEN happy to go shopping for an hour and a half.
Third, I am finding more time as I cut down on media. We don't have cable anymore so I haven't even turned on the tv in 3 weeks (though I'll admit, I may watch about 2 shows a week on the computer) I do carry my iphone everywhere, however I don't check email but maybe twice a day, I took fb off my phone, and I'm only on pinterest a few times a week. I have added a Bible/devotional app which is really helping with my daily devotional time. It mostly comes at 3am :-)
Fourth, I'm off facebook for awhile. Not only did I take it off my phone, but I had Nathan change my password to keep me off. You may think I'm crazy, but I know I have very little self control and I know I needed to NOT be on my phone as much during the day and that was one thing I was wasting a lot of time doing. It was a slight addiction. A peek at the outside world sent me into a funk because of my life at home. So its gone for now and I'm really a little bit happier. I'm coming around to the idea that I have nothing pressing to do, I'm not on anyone's time schedule and my house will never be as clean as I want it to be. At least not at this phase of my life. So each day I'm trying to focus more on loving my kids, playing with my kids, and as it is now, disciplining my kids. Oh yeah, and spending quality time with my husband, friends, and taking a few moments for myself (like now)
And on that note of discipline, Samantha is actually a really good almost 2 year old! With so much change in her little life recently, and her behavior before Isaiah was born and right after he was born, I thought I would go crazy and she would just get worse. But since we've moved, things have continued to improve! She still wants to be right where I am. My biggest frustration throughout the day is her pushing and pulling on me and trying to sit on my lap while I'm holding/nursing Isaiah or her bringing and piling all her toys on me. However, she is getting better at not undoing everything I've just done. She doesn't pull all the clothes out of the dresser drawers every time I change Isaiah's diaper. And on occasion, she actually plays with her toys by herself.
She LOVES to be mommy's little helper. I continually remind myself to find her a task, even if its not exactly helpful or I could do it myself faster. Bringing in groceries from the car, I find her a light, nonbreakable bag and ask her to carry it in. Or while doing laundry, I hand her every other piece of clothing to put in the dryer or the basket. She is talking all the time and one of her current favorite phrases is "Help mommy" meaning "I'm coming to help mommy" when I start a new task. Such a sweetie.
And my attempt at a motivational topic though I'm far from an eloquent writer: The other day I had a bad night. A go to sleep late, up every 2 hours with the baby, toddler awake before 6am bad night. My wonderful, extrememly helpful husband is NOT a morning guy. So, for a better marriage, I almost never beg him to get up with the kids. Besides, there is little he can do to help when the baby is hungry. So anyway, I was up with both the kids, completely and utterly sleep deprived, exhausted and on my last nerve. We got through breakfast and a few morning routine items and then my endearing toddler was playing a little too much while I tried to put her clothes on. The baby started to fuss and I gave in. I know I needed about a 5 hour nap, but that wasn't going to happen. My other recharge event is a shower. So I threw the toddler's clothes on the floor, got her off the changing table, tossed the baby in bed with my husband and growled "I'M DONE". Then went into the bathroom and shut the door.
I probably sat under the warm running water for over half an hour. Crying for awhile then just thinking. Wondering why I couldn't do it. Why I wasn't cut out to be a mom. Why other moms made it look so easy. Was it me? Are my children just that difficult? Could I ever imagine having more than these two? Where was God? Was I doing something wrong?
The longer I sat, the more I came to my senses. Not many moms share their horrible, no good, very bad days. BUT I'm pretty convinced that all moms have them. And when you're in one, it seems like ALL the days are bad. They aren't. I mean, surely, you are having some good mommy days or at least a good few hours?
Looking back, my advice to myself during the next bad day would be this: Take a few minutes of some alone time, breathe. Remind yourself that its just a bad day. Sleep deprivation is used as a torture method and a tired mama knows why! So your horribly angry thoughts are the devil talking. You're sleep deprived and you are not really an angry person. Everyone has bad days (though most moms appear not to). And not all days are bad. Remember that (sometimes annoying) phrase that everyone tells you: This too shall pass.
And when you finally emerge from your shower, maybe you'll have 2 kids napping and get a few more minutes of peace. ;-)
And now, because I always forget. Some pictures:
Learning to walk in high heels :-)
Classic Sam pose, no?
Likes his toys now :-)
He's a happy boy sometimes!
First Sunday in our new house
Happy 2 months (or maybe a day off..)
Smiles right before we moved
Someone is really good at helping get rid of junk mail...
More please!
Happy 1 month
